Every couple who decides to divorce has its reasons. Constant disputes and misunderstandings, infidelity, and lack of attention – all of these can lead to the end of a marriage. But sometimes, ex-spouses realize that maybe a divorce was a mistake or a too hasty decision. If it’s your situation, you may be wondering, “What percentage of divorced couples get back together?”
According to the latest research, the odds of reconciliation after divorce are nearly 15%. Moreover, approximately 6% of the US couples remarry after an official divorce.
Now that you know how many divorced couples get back together and have some idea about the divorce reconciliation statistics, it’s time to look closely at the phenomena of post-divorce reconciliation as well as the tips on how to get together with your spouse again if both of you truly want it.
Is Reconciliation After Divorce Possible?
A natural question is: “Do divorced couples get back together after such a painful procedure?” Of course, a reconciliation after divorce is possible if both parties are really interested in it. At times, the couple realizes that they don’t want to end their marriage even before the court finalizes their case.
For this reason, there exists the so-called “cooling-off period” in the United States that allows the spouses who decide to get back together to withdraw the petition and not proceed with the divorce. But even if your marriage is officially over, you always have chances for reconciliation.
Staying in the relationship means hard work, and sometimes, it seems impossible to keep it working, which is why spouses may need a break. Of course, for some couples, this break may take forever, but if you suddenly realize that a divorce is not something you really wanted, you should definitely work on getting back together after the divorce.
Reasons Why a Divorced Couple Reconciles
A myriad of factors can make couples reconcile. And while some of them are simply emotional, others are dictated by the social and financial backgrounds of the parties. So let’s consider why do divorced couples get back together in greater detail:
- Reasons for Divorce
In fact, the actual reasons for a divorce have the biggest impact on the chances of reconciliation. Of course, there are situations when marriage dissolution is the best thing that can happen for a family, especially if domestic abuse or adultery is involved.
But what if the couple decided to file for a divorce due to problems that could be solved in the marriage?
Let’s imagine a young couple who has been married for a few years and decides to divorce due to constant misunderstandings. The night before the court hearing, one of the spouses realizes that all the problems that exist in their marriage are actually not that terrible and can be figured out if both of them put effort into open conversation and willingness to admit one’s mistakes.
In the morning, the spouse communicates their ideas to the other party, and they decide to schedule a meeting with the family counseling professional and fight for their marriage. If you find this situation familiar and do not wish to part ways, you have all the chances for reconciliation.
- Financial Issues
We live in times of constant economic turbulence, which makes financial issues one of the most frequent reasons why couples reconcile. It is not a secret that a divorce, even if it’s uncontested, can be an extremely expensive process for all the parties involved.
Apart from hiring lawyers, whose cost ranges between $175 and $900 per hour across the United States, the spouses also have to divide all their assets and property in such a way that satisfies both of them. Strange as it may seem, this reason often makes couples work on their reconciliation and avoid filing for a divorce.
- Forgiving Each Other
Some may think that forgiving after divorce is impossible. In fact, it’s quite a normal situation when ex-spouses realize that they wish to reunite their family and forget the past resentment. Very often, once a person is gone from your life, you remember all the good things and memories about them.
Of course, it can be explained by the fact that the human brain tends to forget bad experiences and emotions, but it’s not always the case. Your spouse is a person you used to share all the joys and sorrows with for so many years, and it’s pretty obvious that it can be impossible to erase such an important person from your heart and life.
Indeed, forgiveness is a great virtue and an extremely difficult thing to do. But if you feel like divorce is a mistake in your situation and want to have a fresh start together as a couple again, we can only congratulate you and wish you a fast reconciliation!
Even if you don’t know how to forgive your partner but are ready to work towards it, you can always get advice from people close to you or even go to therapy, where you can figure out your feelings.
- Children
Unfortunately, a situation when divorced parents get back together simply because it is what their kids want is not so rare. But the negative effect of divorce on children, as well as their needs, is often a factor that makes spouses rethink their attitude towards a marriage dissolution.
Many researchers claim that children of divorced parents tend to experience problems in their future lives more often than those who have nuclear families. This fact often makes couples rethink their decision to end a marriage.
If you have already finalized a divorce, you may wonder, “Can co-parents get back together?” Sure, just like any couple, you have all the chances to reconcile. Perhaps you even have more opportunities to do it.
After all, you will often communicate with each other as co-parents and surely will have to meet from time to time. Maybe during this time, you will reconsider some of your decisions and may feel the need to talk to each other and work toward a possible reconciliation.
Some experts would tell you that it is not a good thing to save your relationships only for the sake of your kids, but what if it is something all of you truly want?
Tips for Successful Reconciliation after Divorce
If you have already come to a decision that you want to get together with your spouse and know that they have the same wish, both of you need a good plan on how to rebuild your relationships and make your family happy again. Even though every couple has their own reasons and stories, we offer you to get acquainted with some great tips on how to have a successful post-divorce reconciliation.
- Create Time for Each Other
One of the most frequent reasons why couples part ways is lack of attention. Of course, all of us are overloaded with work, kids, household chores, and a myriad of other problems. But the truth is that the work on your relationship should be on your list all the time if you want to get back together.
Have a look at your busy schedule and make time just for the two of you. Even if it’s only one evening in the week, it’s still the perfect time to communicate, listen to each other, restore your bond, and make it even stronger!
By the way, you can make this evening a date night and visit some great spots together. Discovering something new or getting back to places where you were happy will have a great influence on your relationships!
- Address the Root Causes of Divorce
Reconciliation is a difficult process, but breaking off behavior that would lead to the end of the marriage one more time is even harder. In order not to fall out with your spouse again, it is essential to figure out what are the root causes of your divorce.
You can do it by having a sincere conversation with the other party, telling each other what didn’t work for you in your relationships and what you are ready to change in yourselves to retain your marriage and make it happy again. Alternatively, you can also consider family counseling, where you can get professional help in figuring out all the problems.
- Rebuild Trust and Foster Forgiveness
Trust is as fragile as glass, but who said it can’t be fixed? Of course, a feeling of mistrust and doubt is natural if you’ve gone through divorce and the traumatic events associated with it. However, the best thing you can do in this situation is to trust your intuition.
If you see that your partner has changed for the better and sincerely desires to reconcile, go for it! With open communication and no secrets from each other, you will rebuild trust in each other very soon.
What is also important for healthy relationships is forgiveness. If you want to have your once-happy family back, forgiving each other is the first and the most important thing to do. Living together under one roof with the constant feeling of resentment that would not go away will take a toll on you, your spouse, and, of course, your kids.
- Maintain a Connection
This tip is important for couples who have only started their reconciliation process. It is essential to stay in touch during the initial phase. Phone calls, casual messages at least once a day, and weekend meetings are what you really need in order to rebuild your connection.
If you are really into the idea of reconciliation, it is important that both of you take turns in taking the initiative. If you invite your ex-spouse to the dinner today, they should ask you out for a coffee or a glass of wine tomorrow. When both partners are interested in maintaining a connection, the reconciliation process becomes successful.
- Learn from Past Mistakes
Learning from the mistakes in the past and finding ways to solve the current problems is definitely one of the most effective methods to fix broken relationships. Remember that realizing and admitting your mistake will help you to break the vicious circles of disputes and misunderstandings.
For example, if both of you were too stubborn, which led to constant quarrels and disagreements, now it’s time for compromise! It may sound easier said than done, but the truth is that the reconciliation process is not a simple task.
- Talk to Your Kids about Your Plans
Even if you know for sure that your kids will be happy to find out about your reconciliation, you need to think about how to announce this news to them in order not to have them worried. The sad truth is that your kids may be already traumatized by your divorce. So, be very prudent at this step and make sure that you have listened to your children and have a grasp of their opinion on the matter.
Finally, do not announce the news to the kids if you are still unsure that you have definitively reconciled with your spouse. Only when you have figured out all the issues and made a clear-cut decision to be a family again can you tell your little ones about that.
- Don’t Rush Things
A decision to reconcile with your spouse is definitely one of the most important steps in your life. So, make sure that both of you have weighed all the pros and cons and reached a consensus. If your spouse is still hesitating, show your understanding and do not push it. If it’s you who still tries to figure out all the feelings, giving yourself time is also paramount. A hasty decision is never a good one, so be patient and thoughtful at this period.
It would be a good idea to start your reconciliation from several meetings per week. You can visit some of your favorite places, which would be quiet enough for you to talk about your feelings and future plans.
Getting back together after divorce is never easy, but if it’s love that makes you choose this path, you will go through it successfully!